Video 4: Being at Choice

Hi it’s Lisa Baker of DeBrine Baker Coaching here, and today’s De-stress for Success Tip is: Being at choice.
I’m here to remind you that you ALWAYS have a choice. This is true about how you interact, what you think, or the role you play in a situation.
Every day as we go out into the world we get to choose how we respond to things that happen. Let’s say today I woke up to find that my cats had scratched up my favorite couch. Now as you hear that you might think, “I bet that made her mad.” The truth is I get to choose how I feel about it.
Choice 1: I could be really angry. That choice would set off a variety of physical and emotional reactions which might impact me for the entire day.
Choice 2: I could start to cry about the damage to an item I love.
Or Choice 3: I could think, “They don’t know any better, they’re cats.” For me, this option (rationalizing) is better, because it doesn’t result in a headache, a bad mood or injuries to my cats.
The truth in the moment is that there is damage to my couch and I will need to solve that somehow. How I respond does not change that reality. What it does change is my action, and perhaps how I feel physically and emotionally. I have also figured out that my problem-solving skills are better when I can be genuinely calm (not the stuffed-down calm).
This type of situation comes up on a daily basis at work too – comments in meetings, challenging emails, lost spreadsheets – There’s potential for big stress all around us.
So, how do I get to a place of choice, you might ask?
The first step is becoming aware of your reactions. Choice often requires us to interrupt old patterns. When you feel yourself start to tense up as a result of something that’s happened, it’s likely the work of a habit or a belief. When that comes up, try to get in the middle of what you’re experiencing to see what’s really going on. That moment of review will allow a gut check of how you really feel about whatever happened. Is anger the way you want to go on this? Or are you sad about it? Or can you write it off as no big deal and move on? By the way, it’s okay if you choose to feel mad or sad. The fact that you are choosing is what matters.
Once you start to be more aware, you can start the process of removing the automated responses that aren’t working for you. You can decide how you really feel about events, rather than what the habit or other people say you should feel about it. I know for me, some of those habits and beliefs are deeply ingrained, and they continue to be chipped away over time. Once you start responding in the way that allows for calm, you will be amazed at how everything changes.
Whether quick or slow, progress requires a level of conscious awareness and presence. If you have any triggers or habits that are causing you to be stressed, I would love to coach you through those.
As ever, I would love your feedback on how this worked, or didn’t work for you. You can reach me on my Facebook Page, DeBrine Baker Coaching, or my email, lisa@debrinebaker.com.

Video 3: No Mind-Reading

I don’t know for sure, but I’m going to go out on a limb to say that no one watching this video is actually a mind-reader. (If you are, you may want to skip this one)
Despite our lack of skill and training, the funny thing is that many of us ACT like mind readers when we’re in a meeting, reading an email, or otherwise interacting with someone. We THINK we know what another person is thinking when they do or say something. Today, I’m asking you to challenge that belief because you’re the one potentially using valuable energy being upset about what you believe you see.
There are a couple of things we all need to keep in mind when it comes to what we think we know about WHY other people do what they do.
The first thing to remember is just that: We THINK we know what causes people to do what they do and it’s just not true most of the time. For the majority of people we encounter, we don’t know how they arrive at their decisions. We don’t know their history, their filters, their beliefs, and so on. This is true even with people we’ve worked with forever. Sometimes, it’s even true of ourselves.
Second of all, and this is a great tip for teenagers in your life too, MOST things that people do around you, to you, for you, near you, HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. Back to the first point, people do the bulk of what they do because of their own messages and back story, NOT because they want to make you mad. In college, my friends and I would joke that when one of us was in a bad mood, random people around us were doing things “just to annoy me.” In fact, they were just doing their own thing and not paying attention to us in the slightest.
So, how do you practice NOT being a mind reader? Try it in traffic. Do you think the majority of people cut you off to make you angry? Probably not – They could have forgotten their exit was coming up or they are worried about something.
Let’s say you get an email and you immediately feel frustrated with the content. Ask yourself, “Did this person intentionally write this in a way that would make me mad?” What if you tried believing that they just did their own thing and communicated the only way they knew how? How would you feel? How might you treat the email and the person differently if you were coming from this perspective?
There are lots of other ways to try this. If mind-reading is an issue that gets in your way at work, get in touch with me. I can definitely help you.
So, just remember, before you use a lot of your energy getting upset about something going on in someone else’s mind, take a moment to consider that you may not actually know.
I’m Lisa Baker of DeBrine Baker Coaching and until next time, I’m wishing you the best as you DeStress for Success.

 

Video 2: Have 30 seconds of fun!

– My top tip for de-stressing for today is: Have some Fun!
– I heard a great joke today: “Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.” Insert rim shot here
– Today my reminder is to lighten up.
– Have you been in this situation? You’re working on something with a group and the deadline was looming or the issue was so tense you could barely breathe. Everyone is feeling the pressure and stress of it. Suddenly someone makes a little joke and everyone is laughing – it’s as if the air in the room completely changed and the tension is released.
– We’ve all had those thoughts in our minds – if I don’t get this done, and done well, I’ll be (fill in the blank with your favorite scary thought – fired, laughed at, punished, whatever)
– When you feel yourself thinking that way, ask yourself this question –
o If what I’m working on doesn’t get done (on time, on budget, exactly perfectly, again fill in the blank) what will happen?
o If your answer is not “Someone will die” or “the world will be destroyed” I would suggest taking a deep breath, and then thinking how you might have some fun for at least 30 seconds. In this kind of situation, what you can benefit from is an interruption in the thought process which is creating the stress.
– So what can you do? I have a couple ideas to get you thinking, however, you know best what will help you have fun:
o Watch a YouTube video – kittens, music videos, or comedy sketch, anything on the planet is out there to divert you
o If there’s no way to do that, then close your eyes for a moment and think of the funniest thing you’ve seen or heard lately (maybe it was my awesome joke!)
o Visit someone else you work with and share a quick joke – do it as a fly-by so you don’t get more stressed because you stay for longer than you want – you may be helping them to get unstuck too! Here’s one you can try –
What time is the best time to visit the dentist? Tooth-hurty!
o Take a walk around your floor, building, whatever area you have time for and smile at people. This serves a number of purposes – giving to others always lifts our energy and it makes your co-workers wonder what’s up with you.
o What else are you thinking? Please share on my facebook or Linkedin page what ideas you’ve come up with. They will very likely help others.
– I hope you now have some thoughts for fun alternatives to feeling stressed.
– Until next time, this has been Lisa Baker from DeBrine Baker Coaching and I wish you all the best as you “DeStress for Success”

Video 1: Being present

– My top tip for de-stressing for today is: Be Present.
– Now you might be thinking, of course I’m going to work. I work all the time! Didn’t we just talk about that?
– I’m not talking about going to work, although you will have to be working in order to test this out! 
– Actually, I’m talking about “being present” as in being completely in the moment every second that you’re at work.
– I think everyone has seen some of these examples of ways that we avoid “being present” – such as:
o Knowing that there’s work to be done but our brain’s dwelling on something that happened a few months, days, or hours ago
o Looking at our phone or computer or generally thinking about other stuff while someone is talking
o Expressing fear about future events (I call that borrowing trouble!)
– Are any of those behaviors familiar to you? Guess what, it’s completely normal to do any or all of these, because we have so much going in in our lives every day.
– The challenge with those behaviors though is that they keep us from bringing our best into this moment. Think about it this way – When you consider the amount of brain power and energy we each have available, how much can we apply to the situation at hand if you are pulled to the past or the future? If you are dedicating 80% of your thought to an argument you had last week what’s left for solving an issue facing you today?
– So, can you see how the behaviors I’ve highlighted are keeping you from enjoying the now?
– Now the question is what to do! Okay, I’m going to give you a couple suggestions:
o A past event is keeping you from concentrating. If there’s something you need to be focusing on right now, and you can’t concentrate because your thoughts keep going back to something that happened in the past, I recommend writing it down on what I call a “parking lot” list. It’s a place to keep track of things that need to be addressed, just not right now. At the end of the day or week, you can go back to your “parking lot” list and see if the item needs to be dealt with or if you can just forget it. It’s been my experience that many of the items don’t seem so important after some time has passed.
o Take a deep breath. Another great way to get back to this moment is to focus on your breathing for just a few seconds. When you are going into a meeting or getting ready to make a call, you can bring your brain back to the now by just concentrating on this simple task.
o Consider what you’re gaining by anticipating a bad future. This is a little like the “getting caught on the past” situation except the thing you’re spending time on hasn’t even happened yet, and may never happen. You can ask yourself a few questions to get back to this moment: Does spending time on this now help me with the current situation? If not, table it. If it does, what is one thing I can do now to potentially create a better outcome in that future situation?
– So let me just summarize the three ways to be more present: Create your parking lot, Take a deep breath (or 5), and ask yourself a couple questions about that future event.
– After you tried some of these, I’d love to hear from you on my Linkedin page – DeBrine Baker Coaching. Please tell me how any or all of the tips worked for you.
– Until next time this has been Lisa Baker of DeBrine Baker Coaching and I wish you the best in your de-stressing.